Why You Should Never Marry A Guy Who Splits Everything 50/50 With You

Author: Mary Ambrose, CPA/MBA

 

If you look in any forum where people are free to post comments about money and relationships, you can see a number of guys say that they can only “go Dutch” because they don’t want their dates to “free-load” on them. No matter how justified these guys feel they are, if you’re currently dating anyone like that, run!

Read more to understand why you need to avoid guys like that at all costs.

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Why you should never marry a guy who splits everything 50.50 with you - Queensdomania.com

 

Yes, we’re in the 21st century and the “feminist” movement has been calling for equal pay and equal rights for women for quite a few decades now. As women gain more financial independence and more prestigious positions in politics, businesses and other social settings, some men also start to expect or even request women to pay for their own share of the expenses.

This spirit or mentality of going 50/50 between a couple is not just limited to money. That could include household chores, child care, everything else under the sun that could be “split”.

Although it sounds fair on the surface for a couple to have an equal share or burden of everything, it’s never a good idea to share your life with someone who is only willing to put in his 50% and nothing more.

 

The “50/50” spirit is rooted in selfishness

If someone can only agree to foot 50% of the bill even if he has the ability to take care of everything and pay for both, he might just be selfish instead of “fair”. Think about it, only paying half of the common costs while enjoying the companionship is really not “giving” to the relationship more than what he has to pay for himself without the relationship anyways.

A giver will never only pay for himself. A taker, on the other hand, might even ask you to pick up the tab for him!

Because of high divorce rates in the past two decades, it is understandable that people want to protect their own assets just in case things go south. But that doesn’t give people the excuse to be selfish and only worry about his or her half of the territory.

 

If he loves you, he won’t mind paying for you

Have you ever heard of the story that Steve Jobs shared himself about a woman that he dated before he got married? He really wanted his girlfriend at the time to buy a dress in display at a store and thought it would look great on her.

But she wasn’t enticed by that dress herself and suggested that unless Steve buys it for her, she’s not going to pay out of her own pocket. The tech guru deliberated on this quite a bit and eventually decided not to buy the dress after all.

Years later, when Steve looked back on this incident and this ex-girlfriend, he realized that the true reason behind his decision back then was simply because he didn’t really love that woman enough to buy that dress for her!

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” If a guy values his money more than he values you, then he doesn’t love you.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not suggesting that a guy definitely loves you just because he’s generous with money and gives you all kinds of gifts.

For a rich dude, maybe his most valuable asset is his time, not his bank account. If your significant other only spends time with you when he needs you, then I’m afraid he’s not giving you his 100 percent, either.

Do not waste time with either kind. You deserve someone who wants to treat you like a queen.

 

Marriage is a commitment for life

There are so many uncertainties/challenges in life and in marriage itself that it requires sacrifices from both parties to maintain the commitment for life. Before tying the knot, the couple need to have serious and honest conversations about finances and see if they’re truly compatible for the long-run.

Depending on each other’s role in the relationship, sometimes one spouse can contribute more in finances, and the other can spend more time taking care of the house and the kids.

For a traditional family, there will only be joint bank accounts instead of separate accounts. But younger generations, especially “millennials”, have the tendency to have separate accounts for most of their individual savings while having a joint account for common expenses.

Based on a 2016 TD Bank survey, about 60% of millennial indicated that they keep at least some assets in separate accounts or don’t share at all. Apparently, the majority prefer to maintain their own financial independence and identity. That’s all good as long as the couple are not splitting hairs for shared expenses.

The bottom line is that the married couple is a union. The key focus between the two should be “us”, instead of “me, myself and I”.

When one spouse’s earning capability is temporarily or permanently impaired, the other should step up and handle all financial matters for the family. This is the “worse” and “poorer” part of the wedding vow, remember?

If your significant other isn’t even willing to pay for your expenses when necessary, how can you expect him to go through other more challenging situations in life?

 

Summary

Meet someone who is willing to and capable of rising above the “this is mine and that’s yours” kind of mentality.  He shouldn’t limit himself to just his 50% contribution in the relationship. Anything or anyone who falls short of that may not be the right fit for a life-long commitment.

 

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31 Replies to “Why You Should Never Marry A Guy Who Splits Everything 50/50 With You

  1. I agree with this article 100%! In my experience when a man loves you he will not be greedy with his time or resources. He may put you on a budget but he won’t force or expect you to pay your half.

  2. Interesting article! I like the idea behind it but I definitely think it goes both ways. My fiancé and I have been together 8 years and there have been times where I was in between jobs and he took care of me happily but also times when he was struggling in school and I handled everything else to let him focus on his degree… as long as both are willing to step up when needed then I think it’s a great concept.

    1. Yes, I don’t disagree with your points at all. It’s not about men always have to pay. But if a guy only wants to pay his “share”, then something is terribly wrong.

  3. I totally agree!! Your want your man to walk over water to get to you! It is not always 50/50 sometimes it’s 10/90 . Relationships shift through out the years and it is wise to choose someone who wants to put more than 100 % into the relationship!

  4. You’re so right! I believe in this wholeheartedly. While I often treat my man and took turns paying when I was dating, I totally agree that if a guy wants to be 50/50 on everything it’s extremely selfishness and it will rear its ugly head during the marriage. You often have to look below the surface because this sign is to even more negative things to watch for. I am so lucky my husband is chivalrous.

  5. This is a very interesting perspective. I like your point of view and it makes me think about my relationship differently. Whenever he can, my boyfriend handles the bill when we go out and when he could afford it he asked me to let him cover the majority of the household bills also even tho I was perfectly capable of helping. I always thought it was him being prideful but this plus some of the things he says about it makes me feel like it may come from a place of wanting to give me as much as he can. Great article!

  6. I agree with this 10000000%, if the house in general is split 50/50 meaning the bills, kids, cook, chores, upkeep etc. Then let have at it. But I am not splitting bills and doing the majority of the housework.

  7. i think it really depends on the situation, and guys feel increasingly pressured to be the providers and take you out and pay, and it shouldn’t be. It feels nice to be ‘looked after’ but it can be achieved in many ways. Of course, if he asks to split i would run away, but i like the approach i pay one time, and you pay the next type thing. Everyone should put in their fair share…
    I actually like spoiling my guy at times, and i appreciate to be with someone that lets me and doens’t think he has to provide all of the times. I have a good job and i can afford to..

  8. I love this perspective. It’s really hard to try and navigate Financial situations for couples sometimes. But it is something that keeps popping up, even for me. I really appreciate your Insight on this!

      1. I hate to be 50/50 on this but I see both sides.

        I am not in a relationship for any kind of gain. I like to bring to the table as much as my partner.

        That said though he pays all the bills and I do the shopping and birthdays/Christmas

        He will pay for a meal or the drinks, I’ll pay for the meal/drinks so we don’t split it, we cover it all because it’s important that we can do that for each other. Fully committed and invested emotionally and financially to each other.

        Can’t take it with us when we are gone.

        1. Many people misunderstand the view point from this article. I’m not saying women should just take free rides for granted and dump the guy if he doesn’t offer that. What I’m pointing out here is the fact that if you HAVE TO split the bills or go separate ways, that’s the wrong relationship to be in.

  9. Hi, my husband and I put our money together, take whatever and whenever we need, shopping is paid for by whoever takes their money out of their bag first, etc. Shared, not necessarily ‘equally’ – just shared. We know a couple, not married but together for 5 or 6 years or more, who split EVERYTHING 50/50. I’ve witnessed them splitting a $6 joint purchase, him taking $3 from her to pay the cashier the total. Horrific!

    1. It’s encouraging to see you and your husband handle finances like a real couple should. I really don’t believe splitting bills on everything indicates that there’s true love there.

  10. Wow, I agree with this 100%. Being a woman who makes good money and would give the shirt off my back for any loved one, it irritates the hell out of me when I see women having to “borrow” money to pay their bills with a man they live with and have kids with, married or not! Great post, I’m pinning this and will link to it in a future post of mine for sure!! My current topic is dating after divorce—this is what women need to hear the second time around if they didn’t hear it the first time! 💕

  11. I’ve always been told by my mum to go Dutch when I date. It’s probably because she’s actually Dutch (or half Dutch), but it’s been something I’ve done my whole life. That doesn’t mean I don’t let a guy treat me, but I feel it’s important to take turns with paying. e.g. we split the bill, I pay one time and he pays the next. I was also told to go Dutch so that you didn’t feel like you owed him anything. I certainly wouldn’t expect him to only do half the chores or just pay his half all the time. And it goes both ways! I wouldn’t do half the chores or just pay my half!

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